Welcome to the New Session
by chibichan998
Summary: Your name is ZOYA BERDIZE, and you HATE YOURSELF for loading that game. A remake of my old story by the same name. OCs needed!
1. Readers: Fondly regard rambling

Okay, this is just a quick post before I start on the actual story.

There are actually two troll and four kid spots open [making it an 8-kid session], so I'm willing to take some for that.

My list of kids and trolls at the moment:  
>Zoya Berdize (mine)<br>Cade August (Halloween's Phantom)  
>Lily Neiman (LyssiLuvr)<br>Tony Sterling (Toasty Rye)

Atella Merula (nerdyPyro)  
>Hallia Surtos (frigidPyro) [Oh shit I'm going to get you two mixed up so often I'm sorry-]<br>Splint Drohex (OpticalColors)  
>Murzim Muliph (inspiredCritic)<br>Adeola Veltiz (StephiFeesh)  
>Geveli Eydenn (xxVindictive)<br>Thalia Spiros (hieikag)  
>Haizea Verver (Renata The Irate Dead Girl) [I know you changed your name, but I forgot what it was. *failsatlife*]<br>Kageio Lyncis (Myriad Lapse)  
>Mikkan Alenta (Ms. Whatsitoya)<p>

Here's the forms again:

Name: (This is simple. Just make sure to keep to the letter restrictions.)  
>Age: (Around 13, though they can be younger or older.)<br>Gender: (Simple enough.)  
>Title: (Hopefully I don't get any repeats, like two Knights or two heroes of Blood.)<br>Screenname: (You should understand this.)  
>Interests: (Just give some quick explanations on what they like to do in their free time.)<br>Likes: (This is obvious.)  
>Dislikes: (I'm going to write random stuff in these things until something actually needs explaining.)<br>Appearance/ Physical Description: (Be my matesprit, share my pail, be my kismesis, but don't be my moriail. Yeah, you can be my matesprit, in the Veil, but I'm not in need of something pale~)  
>Personality: (Karkat got bitch slapped by a bucket.)<br>Alchemize: (Alright, back to explaining. It's just what they make. Doesn't have to be useful or anything. Give me a few ideas. And if you don't really understand the && and || thing, just use / inbetween them.  
>Planet: (Are they a Prospit or Derse dreamer?)<br>Typing Quirk: (Do they use proper grammar and punctuation? Txt speak? Do they replace letters with numbers? Or do they type in all caps?)  
>Relationships with Trolls and Humans: (Just to give me an idea of how they'll interact.)<br>Strife Specibi: (What they fight with. Maybe name off a weapon or two?)  
>Fetch Modus: (How they retrieve items and a brief explanation of how it works.)<br>Land: (This is where the gates lead them. Give me an idea of how it looks and what the consorts are like.  
>Exile: (I only need four for the kids and four for the trolls, so... Just give me an idea of their past and personality, if they're a Prospitian or a Dersite, how they type, etc.)<br>Sprite: (Just the name and what it was prototyped with. Simple as that.)  
>Family: (Includes guardians and lususes...es(lusii? I don't know.), plus whoever else might be around, like pets.)<br>Home: (Just a basic idea of where they live, whether it be an apartment, cave, or mansion. For kids, this can include state or country.)  
>Shipping: (Do I have permission to pair your OC off with the others? What do they prefer? Men or women? Humans or trolls? Red or black romance? For the people who read the last story, you have a slight idea of who there is, so I guess you can choose names?)<p>

This next part is just the form filled out with my kid, just for an example:

Name: Zoya Berdize  
>Age: 14 years old<br>Gender: Female  
>Title: Seer of Hope, for the irony explained later.<br>Screenname: saturnineIlluminatus  
>Interests: This girl loves to read. Every shelf in her room is stuffed to the brim with novels of all kinds. Some of them even have to be stored in her brother's room, which she is slowly taking over thanks to the fact that he's moving out. She also takes an interest in the paranormal, though she's a bit embarrassed to say that out loud.<br>Likes: Drawing and reading are probably her favourite pastimes. She has a weak spot for a certain guy, but she'd never admit it. She loves almost everything from her home country, Russia, especially the wildlife.  
>Dislikes: There's a lot of things she hates, like annoying people, but there's only two things that will make her explode. The second is cats. Just fuck the little bastards. The first is people that like to get in her business. She's a misanthrope and would prefer if people just left her alone, but they never do.<br>Appearance/ Physical Description: Compared to everyone else her age, she's quite short, most likely able to be legally counted as a midget. Her skin is paler than most, considering she tends to stay indoors rather than risk the possibility of being mugged (she doesn't really like America. She wants to move back to Russia ASAP, but her mother won't ler her). During art class one day, her 'friend' gave her a makeshift haircut, leaving it a choppy, blonde-coloured mess of hair. Her clothes look like they were just thrown on without a second thought, usually extremely oversized.  
>Personality: She's a bit of a 8luh 8luh huge 8itch, her temper usually getting the best or her. She'll usually blame her bad mood on a headache, even if she doesn't have one. If she's frustrated or ranting, she tends to get off-track and forget what she's saying. Most of the things she says sound pessimistic to others, though it's usually just sarcasm or just total bullshit. Most of the time she speaks before she thinks, leading to people thinking that she's a bit of an ass.<br>Alchemize: Everything she makes she thinks is worthless, although some of it actually does end up being useful. Figurine||Old book&&Paint=Imp Voodoo Doll (she thinks it's worthless and throws it out the window, and an imp goes with it.), Netbook||Hoodie=Jackettop, Broken Phone||Netbook=4G Phone with a cracked screen, Pencils||Paint=Coloured Pencils (So redundant.)  
>Planet: Derse.<br>Typing Quirk: Proper grammar, punctuation, and capitalisation. If angered at what somebody says, she may change to all caps and deny it or maybe just resort to a keyboard smash. All of her emoticons use the equals sign as the eyes, such as =.= =n= =7= and so on. Most of the time she uses European spellings of words (favourite, centre, etc).  
>Relationships with Trolls and Humans: She hates them all, but she seems to be a bit nicer to the trolls.<br>Strife Specibi: Bookkind. Sketchbooks, novels, even her Netbook gets thrown in here.  
>Fetch Modus: Sketch modus. In order to get the item she wants, she has to sketch it as accurately as possible. If she has to erase, it gives her a random item.<br>Land: Land of Art and Illusion. It's like you just walked into a Renaissance-era painting. The consorts are grey wolves. They're normally docile until you approach them, then you're better off getting the fuck out of there.  
>Exile: Errant Castaway. He was originally from Derse. He has only spoken one sentence to the Black Queen, and it cost him three fingers on his right hand. Almost immediately afterward, he was sent out to the field to fight. He was proved to be useless, being sent away. Usually types in all lowercase, with proper punctuation and grammar. He tries to disguise himself as just another voice in her head, and she usually listens to everything he says unless it's something entirely stupid. She usually replies to him out loud, so it seems as if she's talking to herself.<br>Sprite: Brotsprite (pronounced like 'brought-sprite', means Brothersprite). Created using the neighbour's cat and her brother Anatoly, although both the prototypes were accidental.  
>Family: Her mother, Galina, and her brother, Anatoly, are all she has. She doesn't exactly get along with her mother (they fight quite a bit), but she loves her brother. However, he's ready to get his ass out of that household.<br>Home: A simple two-story home, much like John's. If you look out the window, all you see are more buildings, something that she hates. Of all places to move, they had to choose one of the rarest places in Georgia: the big city.  
>Shipping: She's open, if anybody can deal with her. She prefers guy humans but will go for anyone who shows they love her.<p> 


	2. The actual first chapter

**John: Cause the scratch.**  
>Whoa, wait, what? That's not what <em>this<em> story's about. That's not even the right session! We need to head back to Earth, much farther east, to a normal-looking Georgian home.

A young girl with quite oversized clothes sits in her room. She is READING what appears to be a "romance novel." Interesting... But it seems her birthday was a month or so ago, and she has yet to receive a name! What a shame! Maybe we should give her one?

**Enter name.**  
>A fitting coronation theme begins to play. Let it be known to all humans both living and dead. This girl's name is PISSY BIT- -<p>

...Or not. She doesn't really APPRECIATE what little humour that had, breaking the textblock in half with that book of hers.

DIALOGLOG  
>SI: Now listen.<br>SI: "This girl" has heard about how this shit works, and she doesn't have a lot of patience for your bullshit.  
>SI: She thinks that if you think we have time to drag out every little gag and expected pattern along the way, you've got another thing coming. She thinks that you should shove that sobering understanding up your ass and tamp it down hard.<br>SI: So try again.

Oh. Oh dear.

**Try again.**  
>Fine. Let it be known to all humans living and dead. The girl with the messy blonde hair's name was always ZOYA BERDIZE. As previously mentioned, it's a month or so after her birthday, not that it's even worth mentioning. It is an anniversary, if anything, to lament the faults of her existence, of which there are assuredly plenty.<p>

DIALOGLOG  
>ZOYA: Yeah, suck on that.<p>

She returns to her reading material. The coronation theme slowly ends. It was getting pretty stupid anyways.

Zoya here has quite a variety of interests. She has a passion for NOVELS of shape and form. She really doesn't discriminate, unless they're extremely stupid. Some would say that she should really be EMBARRASSED for liking some of these DREADFUL BOOKS, but for some reason she isn't. She likes to draw, but is PRETTY AWFUL AT IT. She's working on it, though. We might as well give her time. When she matures, she aspires to move back to Russia with her brother, ANATOLY. He's about to move out regardless, and she's practically BEGGING him to BRING HER ALONG.

She likes to chat with some of her other friends, most of which drive her BATSHIT UP THE FUCKING BELFRY. She has been trying out a new chat client beta called PESTERCHUM5.0 and is NOT REALLY SURE WHAT TO THINK. Her chumhandle is saturnineIlluminatus, and she always seems pissed off, all of the time. =.=

Later, she will play a game with seven other friends and go on a big adventure with them. This game, for convenient reference, is one she DOES NOT YET OWN. But she will soon.

What will she do?

**Zoya: Howl like a spider monkey and jump out the window.**  
>No, no, no! That's a horribly STUPID idea! Why would you ever think of that?<p>

**Zoya: Draw a pretty picture.**  
>You pull out her trusty SKETCHBOOK and PENCILS, beginning to draw. However, you seem to forget you had your SKETCH MODUS on, as when you erase a LAPTOP smacks you in the face. Perfect timing, too! Someone's pestering you!<p>

**Zoya: Answer FC.**

PESTERLOG  
>-fallasleepCade [FC] began pestering saturnineIlluminatus [SI]-<br>FC: Hey, sorry about missing your birthday...  
>SI: What, did you sleep through it or something? =.=<br>FC: No... What makes you think that...?  
>SI: Because you're ALWAYS fucking sleeping. Get a dreambot or some shit like that.<br>FC: Not always...  
>FC: And do they even sell those...?<br>SI: It's even in your chumhandle, _droog_. Don't try hiding it.  
>SI: ...Betty Crocker has everything I DON'T KNOW GO CHECK FOR YOUR FUCKING SELF.<br>FC: You're obviously in a great mood right now...  
>SI: <em>Da<em>, just fan-fucking-tastic.  
>FC: …<br>FC: At least I got your present in the mail...  
>SI: A month late? That's just great.<br>FC: It should bet getting there at any time... I hope.  
>SI: Yeah, it'll probably get here next year or something.<br>SI: So just go ahead and tell me what it is. I promise to act surprised when it finally shows up. =7=  
>SI: =n=<br>FC: It's nothing much, just a copy of Sburb...  
>SI: That even sounds like a shitty game, <em>droog<em>. What were you thinking.  
>FC: I was just trying to be nice...<br>FC: And what does "_droog_" mean, anyways...?  
>SI: Go find out on your own what <em>droog<em> means. Be a _bolshy_ boy.  
>FC: Be a what...?<br>SI: A big boy! A grown-up! I know you're still a _malchik_, but still! God!  
>FC: You really need a translator...<br>SI: ouaofuodsvjocmvodfv- -  
>SI: YOU KNOW WHAT?<br>SI: FUCK IT.  
>-saturnineIlluminatus [SI] ceased pestering fallasleepCade [FC]-<p>

Well, aren't you the sweetest little girl in the world? Or maybe he's just _glupiyi_... Yeah, you seriously need a translator before you end up being just stupid like him.

Why don't you try pestering someone else to help cheer you up?

**Zoya: Choose a random name off the list and pester them.**

PESTERLOG  
>-saturnineIlluminatus [SI] began pestering candidCreeper [CC]-<br>SI: Hey you. Amuse me.  
>CC: \vell. that's a kind hello.  
>SI: Of course it is. It's from me, isn't it? =3=<br>CC: \/  
>CC: \  
>SI: What is it.<br>CC: \vell,/  
>CC: \I'm not exactly sure <em>who<em> You are./  
>SI: I'm Zoya, you're some idiot who's probably from Nebraska that types like a tool.<br>SI: Zoya, meet Tool. Tool, meet Zoya.  
>SI: Introductions over.<br>CC: \so You're the girl the others were talking about./  
>CC: \They were right  
>SI: Right about what? !<br>CC: \\\THAT YOURE A BLUH BLUH HUGE BITCH/  
>SI: ...<br>CC: \excuse Me for losing my temper there for a second./  
>SI: Are you fucking serious.<br>CC: \that I am./  
>-saturnineIlluminatus [SI] ceased pestering candidCreeper [CC]-<p>

**Zoya: Ragequit.**  
>\but You already did.

**Zoya: Flip the fuck out.**  
>It's not my fault that you chose someone that you can't get along with- OH WAIT. And I can make you choose someone else, too. Just like this.<p>

PESTERLOG  
>-saturnineIlluminatus [SI] began pestering antiqueTarassis [AT]-<br>-saturnineIlluminatus [SI] ceased pestering antiqueTarassis [AT]-  
>-antiqueTarassis [AT] began pestering saturnineIlluminatus [SI]-<br>AT: ?  
>AT: si, are you alright?<br>SI: Fine. I just-  
>-saturnineIlluminatus [SI] began pestering eatLightning [EL]-<br>EL: DUD3 SUP  
>SI: FUCK.<br>-saturnineIlluminatus [SI] began pestering hardcoreTreble [HT]-  
>-saturnineIlluminatus [SI] began pestering algebraicPilot [AP]-<br>-saturnineIlluminatus [SI] began pestering abstractedArtisan [AA]-  
>-saturnineIlluminatus [SI] began pestering coldbloodedExploiter [CE]-<br>SI: OUFOAUSDFOUDVNDFOA- -  
>-saturnineIlluminatus [SI] is now offline!-<p>

* * *

><p>And this, children, is why we never piss off the narrator. shot

But hey, first chapter! I hope you all enjoyed it! Although I'm failing at Kageio's typing quirk. Plus all the Russian thrown in there for Zoya. I'll be putting translations in these comments at the end, though, although there're a few hints as to what they mean in the chapter.

_droog- _friend_  
>da<em>- yes_  
>bolshy- <em>big_  
>malchik- <em>child_  
>glupiyi-<em> stupid


End file.
